Slightly Inebriated Ramblings

2002-07-28T23:29:00.000-07:00

I’m a polished being, or that is how I try to convey myself, all the time, without fail. When I try to go for emotion, I seem to overcompensate, as am quite easily hurt. I always proof-read, I always read it over; the words must be systematically precise, cold and clear and concise, and I guess that’s just how I am. I’ve made myself to be as I am today by identifying certain traits in people that annoyed or entertained me and adopting them for my own persona. So that might be why I’m so bad at being emotionally expressive; built up by other people, I have no real personality, just drifting fragments fitted till they resemble one jagged whole . Read that over and, hee- I’m way too melodramatic right now. Must go get sleep.

2002-07-08T17:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really hate my dad. And that sounds pretty horrible, but god, he can just piss me off so much. He's the kind of person who nods his head and goes "Oh, yes, honey, I understand what your saying. That doesn't mean I'll change what I do, though." That doesn't really explain it accurately, does it? Okay. So, he's quite a manipulative bastard at times. Likes to be in 'control' of a situation. It doesn't matter if it's over something stupid; he still wants to be, or wants to think he is, in control of it. And, it just fucking pisses me off, because he thinks he's so superior and so I respond by being very stubbourn... and then he's like, well I'll take such-and-such from you, unless you do as I say (thanks dad, but I'm not two any longer. Actually, I disliked him a lot when I was little. Never really trusted him I guess. And my wariness was apparently quite warranted, seeing as how it turns out he had a fuckin' drug problem.)! So he'll be a complete bastard, threaten to take stuff away from me just 'cause I don't wanna do whatever it is I decide I don't wanna do at the time, and then, the second I apologize or capitulate, realizing that it's pointless to fight right now, because, until I am of an legal age to fend for myself, its kinda his word on manners of money and such-- he immediatley is nice and offers to buy me stuff. Hypocrites are such a bitch. He's like this caricature of a human being, and he doesn't have layers, is simply made of what people told him to say, what society claims is the it-looks-right, and it fuckin' shows, but he thinks he's got it all covered. And I don't like to talk to him, because he's just so... transparently blank, if that makes any sense. But sometimes, I think I actually see something behind that, and I think I'm getting through to him and that we actually understand each other, and I'm talking to him-- and then he'll do something the next day that makes me realize that he really didn't get it. Anyway, I'd bitch more about him, but gonna go make some dinner for myself (yum. pizza.).

2002-07-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

This: my 'secret' journal. Stop laughing. What I mean is, like, you know how some people doing less-than-savory-actions would keep a 'real' entry of their actions to show if anyone asked about it, but have the actual one stored somewhere else? Yeah. That's what this is. Not to say I'm doing less than savory stuff though. But, its basically just a 'touchy-feely' online journal. You have been warned. I'm keeping this as a seperate entry from my little upcoming rant, simply because, well, the Cheese Stands Alone. Plus, that way no one can say the warning was buried under oodles of whinings and bitchings and text. Hopefully, though, no one will sue for Endangerment to My Eyes and Mental Health? There's a Reason It's There, Thank You Very Much. No one has *coughcough* yet.